... and how does that make you feel?

Over the past couple of days, I've been the unfortunate recipient of two different types of destructive behavior. You should recognize both, because they are tragically common. The first was an old lady who seemed determined to be in a bad mood and to take it out on someone else. The second was a group of immature (college? high school?) boys yelling insults out their car window as they drove past. I group these together because they both raise the same question in my mind: does that kind of behavior actually make you feel better? You've definitely made someone else feel worse, but do you walk (or drive) away feeling better about yourself, or satisfied that you've accomplished anything? I can't imagine you do.

For example, the old woman was a passenger on my bus. After I took a turn at a speed she judged to be too fast, she spent over a minute of her time in condescending castigation of my driving. When she finished, I could only apologize for her discomfort, and we went on our separate ways. What bothered me wasn't the fact that she didn't like the way I drove, but the way she told me about it. She didn't just want me to drive more safely next time, she wanted me to feel stupid about what I did. And then, when all was said and done, what had she accomplished? She was still mad at me, and now I was mad at her. Net loss, in my opinion.

Example #2: I was sitting outside an ice cream store with a couple of my friends, one table away from a group of mildly obnoxious guys. We all got up to leave at approximately the same time, and while we were standing at our cars, they drove by with their windows rolled down, yelling obscenities and insults at us. This kind of behavior is even more confusing. What can they possibly hope to accomplish in a two-second verbal attack? Are they so full of hateful energy that they simply cannot contain it? Is this assault a release valve that has some positive effect I don't understand? As far as I could tell, all they did was make me fume.

I can come up with only two explanations for this kind of behavior. Maybe there are some people in the world who enjoy causing others pain. I think it's despicable, and I am sorry that I seem to encounter them on such a frequent basis, but each experience had a drastically negative effect on the rest of my day. Alternatively, maybe they are under the self-delusion that this kind of behavior will make them feel better. Maybe they think that discontent is a finite substance that they can exorcise from themselves by passing on to someone else.

I have news for them. Anger and frustration and negativity are infinitely renewable, because they require so little effort to spread from one person to another. But they do not disappear from one person because he has managed to sow the seeds of discord in another. The only way to stop the spread is for one person to have the energy and the maturity to break the chain. Quell the urge to spread the hatred. And even when someone has tried to ruin your day, find the strength to be kind to someone else.

Summer is Exciting Again

After spending an entire winter break applying to internships, and most of a spring semester waiting for a response, it eventually dawned on me that I would not be spending the summer in Washington, D.C. Five internship applications, three rejections, and two offices who never bothered to get back to me at all. Oh, and I was passed over for two job promotions as well. Pretty disappointing.

But, lo and behold, a reason to believe in the old adage: "Whenever one door closes, another one opens." Or, "Everything happens for a reason." Or even, "Seek and ye shall find." Take your pick. Regardless, I was determined to do something fun this summer. Bus driving is a job, and not a bad one, but it's not something to get me excited for three months straight. And while economics classes are important, and they'll keep me busy, they definitely don't fulfill the "something fun" requirement. So I returned to my old fallback: ASL.

Let me tell you a little bit about Laurie Shaffer. UVA employs a couple of interpreters as full-time staff members, and they do all the in-classroom interpreting for Deaf students, interpret major events like commencement and graduation, and serve other miscellaneous functions for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing communities in and around UVA. Laurie is one of those interpreters, but she is also a self-described "interpreter educator," whose goal is to create more and better interpreters to serve the Deaf community. I e-mailed her to request that she let me watch her interpret some classes this summer, hoping that some exposure—any exposure—to ASL would be good for me. Her response to me was better than I could have expected.

She has offered to talk to me about ethical requirements, tell me about education and certification requirements, and to observe and personally evaluate my interpreting skills, so that I can target my weak spots. From a request to sit quietly in the back of a classroom while she does what she does anyway, I suddenly landed an excited, energetic, and HIGHLY qualified professional who has been generous enough to donate her time to my improvement. I can't wait for this summer.

My Annual Update

It seems that this blog is here to torment me. It hangs around, periodically resurfacing in my mind (mostly when it attracts spam advertisements in the comments), reminding me of things I've wanted to do and haven't. Blogging is probably the least of them, but somehow it's a link to all the things I've planned out for myself over the past year or two and never saw through to fruition.

But who am I to question this blog's purpose? Maybe, if I keep posting my hopes and ambitions on a public page for the world to see, I'll be shamed into actually accomplishing one of them. Maybe one of you, fair readers, will poke and prod me until I do it. So here goes.

1. I'm applying to internships for the summer. White House is my first choice, and I'm closest to finishing it. I requested my recommendations ahead of time, I updated my resume weeks ago, and I started working on essays right after Christmas. And with only two essays, I should be finished and ready to submit by now, right? Nope. One essay still left. Apparently a month-long break isn't the most motivating situation in which to write an essay.
2. Other internships include Senator Webb, Senator Warner, Congressman Perriello, Congressman Scott, and Congressman Lewis (D-GA). Also, the Center for American Progress. They're in varying stages of completion, but due dates are still a fair distance away.
3. I want to learn Taekwondo this semester. So far I've found a Charlottesville TKD school that I have no way of getting to without a car, an AFC class that conflicts with other semester-long plans I've already made, and the UVA TKD club. I'll start with the club and hope that it's more motivating in the long run than swim club was. This is more like a sub-goal beneath my greater quest to work out on a regular basis while at school.
4. Continue building the relationship between Shakespeare on the Lawn (the student-run theatre group at UVA, for which I serve as publicity chairman) and Live Arts (a community theatre in Cville), and rebuilding SOTL's public image in general.
5. Develop a character I can be proud of. Since MLWGS, I've never been entirely pleased with my dramatic work. Between me, Matt, and the rest of the Persephone cast this semester, I hope that Goal #5 works out.
   

A New Direction

First, here's a shout-out to my friend of ... how long? Has it really been twelve years? Hard to believe that anything in my short life has been constant for twelve years, but I guess it has. I just saw Quinn Wilson yesterday, and he's doing alright for himself. A freshman in college, he already owns his own business (three years running)—http://crystalfallsproductions.com/ if you're interested—and attends many of his school's entrepreneurial conferences ... as a speaker. He's been awarded the McKelvey Entrepreneurial Scholarship (http://www.mckelveyfoundation.org/entrepreneurial/), and in his spare time he represents his school as a Student Senator, performs stand-up comedy routines, and takes paid gigs as a jazz drummer.

That's a pretty impressive list of accomplishments for one so young (especially the business), and it deserves congratulations. It also made me feel pretty under-accomplished for most of yesterday.

Today, I'll look at it from a different perspective. It's Christmas Day, so I'm in pretty good mood (I just found out I'll be spending the first three weeks of June in Siena, Italy!), which might have something to do with my new outlook, but at any rate, here it is: Quinn already knows what he wants to do with his life. More power to him. Just because I haven't decided yet doesn't mean I've missed an opportunity. I'm at a liberal arts school precisely because I haven't figured it out yet -- if I knew what I wanted, I would never have chosen UVA.

I do know that I'm looking for a leadership position during my time at college. Experience with leading and organizing is essential in the business world, and I know I have the skills, but I've never made the opportunity to utilize them. I've been thinking for several months now that I need to find a cause. I need to find something that's important to me and do something about it ... not so much to put it on my resumé as to validate something within myself.

To be honest, I've been feeling a little inadequate ever since I came to college. UVA's a great school because it gives its students opportunities, but we have to take those opportunities and do something with them. I need to prove to myself that I'm not just one of the 13,000 undergrads at UVA, but that I can take my skills above and beyond, that I can do something special. During high school, getting good grades and building a social life was enough for me, but it's not anymore. Maybe I've gotten more ambitious, or maybe I've just gotten bored. Either way, it's time for a change.

The Perils of Efficiency

I love living in the West End of Henrico County, especially when Dec. 1 rolls around. It's wonderful to drive around my quiet little neighborhood, knowing that just 2 miles from my house, cars are backing up Interstate 64, trying to get to the ever-expanding Short Pump metropolis. I'm just far enough away that the traffic doesn't affect me, but close enough that I can easily hop on Broad Street and drive out to do some shopping of my own.

I try not to actually do that. It's tiring. It's hard. It takes up gas and time and can even be a little dangerous -- when holiday stress combines with traffic, you've got a good formula for road rage. Fortunately, I live in the West End of Henrico County in the twenty-first century. That means Amazon.com, BestBuy.com, eBay.com ... all at my disposal, ready to be shopped from the comfort of my own desk chair. I can pay someone else to sit at stop lights and dodge around cars, then put the package at my front door.

The biggest struggle with online shopping is the question of WHEN? There's something to be said for walking into a store and walking out with gift in hand. Ordering online introduces an element of uncertainty, but Amazon.com (and others) do their best to alleviate your woes. They usually do a pretty good job, but I have a bone to pick with them this year.

I ordered my girlfriend a Bonsai Tree for Christmas. The problem with live plants is that you can't order them ahead of time and box them up until Christmas. I had to time my order pretty exactly to ensure that it arrived by Christmas, but not too early. Imagine my surprise when I checked the website Dec. 16 and received a warning that unless I paid for Two-Day shipping (an extra $26), my gift would not arrive until after December 25. Crap. I'm leaving Dec. 26, so there's no way I'm having it delivered to my house to sit outside for three days -- better ship it directly to her door. I'll have to forego wrapping paper, but I'm sure she'll understand.

Two days later, I get a phone call. "Doc? Why do I have a box sitting on my front porch that says 'Live Plant'?" Crap again. There goes my surprise.

I feel pretty grinchy complaining when Amazon.com ships my gifts too early, but it certainly posed a problem this year. I ended up driving over to her house that day and telling her to go ahead and open it, and just consider it an early present. A whole week early. I hadn't even wrapped my other presents yet, and there she was opening hers already. She ended up loving it, but I've lost some trust in the online marketplace.